Embracing Him

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? (Proverbs 5:15-16)

It’s Marriage Monday and our lovely hostess, e-Mom has given us the freedom to write about any aspect of marriage. Since JT and I will celebrate our seven year wedding anniversary later this month, I’ve been thinking about the term Seven Year Itch and pondering the meaning of this term.

The term Seven Year Itch is used to describe a person’s lack of interest or fidelity after seven years of marriage. Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell brought the term to life in the classic 1955 film bearing the same name. In the film, Richard Sherman ponders the state of his seven year marriage and seeks bachelor-like freedom while his wife and son are away on a summer long vacation. While his family is vacationing, Richard meets the attractive, single, young woman living above him and his active imagination shifts into overdrive!

Though the high of the newlywed years has subsided, neither JT nor I is itching to move on! As we approach another year of marriage, we continue to build up rather than bail out. This building up approach allows us to reflect upon our initial commitment to one another and affords us opportunities to strengthen our marriage.

How can couples go about building up their marriage? In their article Easy and Practical Ways to Help Your Marriage Last, Sheri and Bob Striof offer some wonderful tips couples can use daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and generally. Here are a few of the ones I plan to work on this year.

Daily: Affirm something your spouse said or did and say something nice.

Weekly: Do a few things together, like working in the yard, taking a walk, watching a favorite movie, or planning and cooking dinner.

Monthly: Plan and have a date night with one another.

Annually: Celebrate your anniversary by writing a letter to each other recommitting yourselves to your marriage.

Generally: Don’t expect your spouse to be a mind reader and don’t try to be a mind reader.

When we make our marriage a priority, itching is much less likely to occur. However, if you find yourself with an itch for conversation, affection, spontaneity, or anything else, talk to your spouse about it immediately. Work together to find the source of that itch and let your spouse be the one to scratch it!

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

It’s Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis and e-Mom has asked us to share our thoughts on Friendship in Christian Marriage.

Most of us recognize that true friendship is a wonderful blessing. I love having such fun and sweet gal pals to chat and hang out with. After all, I can’t really expect JT to be terribly interested in conversing about the flattering new shade of lipstick I recently discovered, the pretty paisley fabric I’ve selected for curtains I plan to make, or whether or not I should add layers to my new haircut. Likewise JT appreciates spending time with the guys. Though I will listen when JT wants to talk about the upcoming NFL draft, the latest action hero movie coming to the theaters, and the newest computer gadgets, the conversations will be much more enjoyable for JT if he has them with male friends who share interest.

Though it is beneficial and necessary for husbands and wives to maintain friendships outside of marriage, we must remember that God intends for our spouses to be our best friends. A strong friendship is part of a good marital foundation and helps couples remain close. We’ve been married for nearly seven years, but JT and I are still best friends. He is the first person I want to talk to when I’m excited, upset, confused, angry, or worried and I’m the first to know about the issues, triumphs, and failures he faces.

Before we married, JT and I spent two and a half years getting to know one another and cultivated a strong friendship in the process.  Throughout that time, we enjoyed great conversations, developed inside jokes, told interesting stories, shed tears with one another, laughed with each other, and learned about each other. We’re very thankful we took the time to establish a true friendship before marriage, because we were able to bring this sincere friendship right into our marriage. Years of “experiencing Andrea” have taught JT how he can best console, encourage, and calm me and the time I’ve spent “journeying with JT” has shown me how I can support, strengthen, and love him in the way he needs.

We certainly do not understand one another perfectly and our relationship is not always warm and fuzzy. We’ve been together for ten years, but there are still times when JT is baffled by one of my emotions and there are times when I don’t respond to him in way he’d like me to. We know that we must continue to nurture our friendship and grow together, so we can learn more about one another and respond to one another appropriately.

In today’s fast paced times, many couples find themselves immersed in the daily grind and sometimes fail to take time to feed their friendship. JT and I have discovered that the time and energy it takes to raise young children makes nurturing our friendship more challenging, but still working to maintain a solid friendship. When I don’t think we have time to go out for a date night, JT is usually the one who makes it happen by securing a babysitter and making the dinner reservations. We’ve trimmed back our television time so that we can spend more time talking and simply being with one another.

If you’re interested in learning more about the friendship factor, consider using a Bible study from The Homebuilder Series by Family Life Today (one of our favorite organizations), try perusing the Relationships and Marriage section at Focus on the Family (another favorite ministry), or reading Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages (see my previous post about the book and a link to a Love Languages test here). And of course, be sure to visit e-Mom over at Chrysalis for more information about this month’s Marriage Monday topic.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25)

The first Monday of March is here and once again it’s time to join my other blogging buddies for Marriage Monday. e-Mom has asked us to meet over at Jennifer’s blog, A Pair of Bartletts, to discuss The Glory of Christian Marriage. I’m offering my opinion on the subject and can’t wait to hear what other women have to say about the topic!

In this day and age, the word glorious is rarely attached to the word marriage. Though many couples would not describe their marriage as wonderful, delightful, pleasurable, magnificent, or beautiful God intends for marriage to be a glorious union between a husband and a wife. A marriage that pleases God is glorious for many reasons but I’d like to focus on the two reasons I find most amazing.

Marriage is used to describe the glorious spiritual relationship between Christ and the church. Christ literally gave his life for the church and this extreme act of love serves as a model for husbands. Husbands are expected to cherish their wives and to make sacrifices for them out of a desire to demonstrate love and protection. Wives are expected to submit to their husbands just as all are to submit to our Lord Jesus Christ. When we carefully consider the Biblical instructions given to husbands and wives, it is clear that God has designed marriage as a tool to make us more like Christ. How wonderful!

Marriage also serves as the glorious foundation for families, the essential building blocks of our society. The first half of Psalm 68:6 tells us that God places the lonely into families. There is a marvelous spiritual parallel here as well. When a man and woman join together in marriage, they leave leave their biological families and become part of a new family (Genesis 2:24).  This is reminicent of our spiritual adoption into the family of Christ.  Through marriage couples enter into a temporary family, but our spiritual adoption into family of Christ is both delightful and eternal. How glorious!

Just as we can identify God’s glory in a bright rainbow, a spectacular sunset, or in a soothing melody, we can ultimately find glory in Christian marriage because it is yet another one of God’s marvelous creations! To God be the glory!