Embracing Him

I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm. (Psalm 55:8)

The first Monday of the month is here, so it’s time to enjoy another edition of Marriage Monday. e-Mom over at Chrysalis usually hosts Marriage Monday, but this month she has given me an opportunity to serve as guest hostess. I’m excited about today’s topic and I look forward to reading your thoughts on this month’s theme, The Sanctuary of Christian Marriage.

God has a wonderful plan for husbands and wives but the wild roller coaster ride of marriage sometimes causes us to forget this point. God intends for marriage to be a sanctuary for the both husband and the wife and within marriage couples should find a refuge, a place of safety, and a shelter from danger. This marital sanctuary should be the place both spouses turn to for refreshment, comfort, and understanding.

Many couples (including JT and me) forget or are not sure of how to create such a safe haven, but God’s word shows us exactly how it is to be done. According to Ephesians 4:31-32, we are to  “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Furthermore we are instructed to “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” If you’ve been married for more than a minute or two, you know accomplishing the goals outlined in this passage of scripture can be difficult at times. Nonetheless, God expects us to follow the directions He has outlined in His word. He will bless our marriages if we obey Him.

A marital sanctuary is created when we let go of selfishness and anger and instead offer kindness and forgiveness. When marriage is a place of safety, couples can freely express their opinions and desires without judgment and rejection. When marriage is a save haven, both husband and wife can reveal their fears and flaws without ridicule and repercussion.  When marriage is a true refuge, husbands and wives have no need to put up walls or be on guard. Each person is free to be themselves and is loved exactly as they are. A couple finds a shelter from life’s storms and their deepest needs are recognized, valued, and nurtured within the sanctuary of Christian marriage.

I am foregoing Monday Motivation in order to join our host Robyn over at Overflowing Grace for Marriage Monday. As usual, this month’s Marriage Monday topic is important, challenging, and thought provoking. This month we’re exploring The Grace of Marriage.

In order to understand how grace works in a marriage, we must first understand what grace is. Simply put, grace is the kindness God extends to us even though we do not deserve it. Several years ago in Sunday School, our teacher explained grace as an acronym I have never forgotten: God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.

The ultimate show of grace was demonstrated by Christ’s suffering and death on the cross. Though none of us deserve favor from God, He allowed His precious Son, Jesus, to die on our behalf so that our sins could be forgiven.

When we consider God’s example, it is obvious that grace is motivated by love. As I thought about my own marriage, a familiar passage of scripture came to mind.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

Though this entire passage of scripture is important, the part that struck a chord with me was the latter half of verse 5: (love) is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Conviction immediately engulfed me as I thought about how many times I’ve defied that scripture by quickly getting angry at JT or by bringing up past hurts again and again. I am ashamed to admit that I have been easily angered and am guilty of recording wrongs. Definitely not a show of grace!

Grace is a necessity in a healthy marriage. When couples embrace grace, the fruit of the spirit sprouts (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control), the weeds of bitterness, resentment, and selfishness are choked out, and God’s loving example nourishes the roots of the marriage.

If you, like me, have not extended grace to your spouse as often as you should, do not be discouraged. There is hope for us! The final verse of the above passage notes that love never fails. This means with God’s help we can interact with our spouses gracefully by exercising patience, accepting one another completely, showing unconditional love, placing their needs above our own, enduring the unpleasant incidents that occur pop up from time to time.

To hear what others have to say about this topic, please visit the contributors over at Overflowing Grace. I also recommend reading this article: Four Elements of a Grace Based Marriage.

e-Mom is hosting Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis and this month’s topic is 10 Tips for Frugal Living.

When I was a single gal, frugal living never crossed my mind. I was fresh out of college, excited to have a job, and eager to spend my money on the things I had been waiting to own. Though I didn’t spend my money too unwisely, frugality was not on my list of priorities.

Now that we have a family and I am a stay at home mom, I’ve become a real “Frugal Franny” (much to JT’s pleasure!). God has provided JT with a great job and JT does a marvelous job of providing for us. I strive to be frugal because I don’t want to waste the money he works hard to earn and because I want to be a good steward of what God has given us.

Living frugally isn’t as hard as some might think and over the past few years I’ve learned you don’t have to adopt unreasonable ideas or live like a pauper in order to save money. Here are 10 realistic tips for frugal living that have worked for us.

1. Pack your lunch. When JT goes to work or we have a playdate or a daytrip, most of the time we bring our lunches with us. Lunch usually consists of the previous night’s dinner or a homemade sandwich, fruit, and a sandwich bag of chips. Since lunch can cost anywhere between $5 and $10 a person, we save a good amount of money just by eating what we have here at home.
2. Make it yourself. We’ve saved money by making things ourselves. This includes food items such as taco seasoning, spreadable butter, birthday cakes, and pizza dough and household items such as cleaners and even window treatments. When you make things yourself, you don’t have to buy them and you know exactly what is in them.
3. Plan a weekly menu. I have found that if I plan a weekly menu, we are less likely to order take out. I already know what we’ll be eating and therefore can defrost the meat the night before so it’ll be ready to cook in the morning. Menu planning also prevents me from spending money on groceries we don’t need. My grocery list is based on the weekly menu and the staples we need to restock.
4. Venture into a thrift store. You may be surprised by the awesome, money saving deals you can find there. The Goodwill Stores in our area often sell new, overstock items from Target. Once I purchased a set of Corningware baking dishes from Target for $40. The very next day I stopped by The Goodwill Store and found the same exact set of baking dishes brand new for $8. Needless to say, I made a return at Target shortly there after.You can find a plethora of toys, books, and household items there for bargain prices. And if you can find a store in an affluent area, you may be able to score some high end and designer items at rock bottom prices.
5. Shop wisely. For me this means knowing where to shop and using coupons. Though warehouses like Sam’s and Costco can save you money, I’ve found the greatest deals at my local supermarket and drugstores like CVS, Walgreens, and Rite Aid. When combined with coupons, you can save quite a bit of money. As I made my grocery shopping list for this week, I realized I’ll be coming back home with 2 toothbrushes, a bottle of Worcestershire sauce, and 2 sticks of deodorant for FREE! My grocery cart will also be filled with items I’ll get for 50% to 75% off just by using coupons. Grab a Sunday newspaper, explore those sales circulars, and start clipping coupons! You won’t regret it. For more shopping tips, check this previous post.
6. Surf the net. There are hundreds of great websites, forums, blogs, and groups online dedicated to money saving ideas. Most of what I have learned about frugal living has come from websites such as The Dollar Stretcher, Money Saving Mom, The Coupon Mom, Hot Coupon World, and The Hillbilly Housewife just to name a few. A simple chat with a few like minded Frugal Frannies often alerts me to ideas and deals I would otherwise have missed.
7. Use your library. We are well acquainted with the staff at our local library because we use the library’s resources so often. Not only do I find great books and DVDs there, I also find free educational activities for the girls there, and even some neat programs I can attend. Your tax dollars pay for the library, so why not put those dollars to work for you. (Just be sure to return items on time. Paying library fines is not frugal!)
8. Create and abide by a budget. (This is such a hard one for me sometimes!) JT and I sit down at least twice a year to discuss our family budget. We each have a set amount of money we can spend each week to cover personal and household expenses. When we stay within the budget we don’t overspend and both JT and I are happier.
9. Spend cash whenever possible. Whenever I use cash I always spend less. I’m going to take this idea and apply it to my spending this week. The envelope system (read more here and here) has been devised with this idea in mind. I will be using cash for my standard purchases this week and I’ll let you know how it goes.
10. Don’t keep up with the Joneses. While my friends and neighbors may take expensive vacations, eat out weekly, employ a housekeeper, and drive new fancy cars, that certainly doesn’t mean we can. We are living within our means and are happy to do so. Trying to keep up with others just for the sake of appearances can often lead to financial problems and is definitely NOT frugal!

Photo: Courtesy of RichSeattle (Flickr)